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So Iām about 6 months out from a breakup of a 4 year relationship. Overall a very healthy relationship, good communication, fun times, etc. But some sudden changes (thousands of miles between us and entering a new phase of life after college) I decided I had to break up with her.
The breakup was pretty bad, not long before I was supposed to see her for the first time in a while during the holidays. I just couldnāt see her and her family while I knew I wanted to talk to her about taking at least taking space, if not breaking up.
I realize in retrospect that the breakup was a really good decision not just bc the relationship would be super hard to maintain under the circumstances, but also because I needed the space and time to discover myself in therapy from some childhood trauma.
Anyways, Iām 6 months out, very much healed my anxiety and anxious behaviorsā¦ but my motivation is so low. Iāll I can feel is guilt for having dumped her and still being unable to have that inner drive to do things for myself. Up until now, Iāve excused myself as thinking Iām in a āhealing periodā from the breakup. But I feel like Iāve moved on from my feelings towards her and all is left is the guilt.
Iām tempted to use this guilt as drive, but I fear I am setting myself up for failure in burnout down the line. Is saying āget up today bc you owe it to yourself and someone you loved whose heart you broke to live life to the fullest as yourselfā bad?
Also, if anyone suggests seeking closure in apologizing in how I handled the breakup (I have a ton of regret in how I handled it), I canāt really ask for it. We are no contact, we left the breakup hoping to be friends one day but agreed we shouldnāt talk for a while.
Any thoughts are appreciated :)
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- 7 months ago
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