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Is using the thought of my ex as motivation to do better unhealthy?
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So Iā€™m about 6 months out from a breakup of a 4 year relationship. Overall a very healthy relationship, good communication, fun times, etc. But some sudden changes (thousands of miles between us and entering a new phase of life after college) I decided I had to break up with her.

The breakup was pretty bad, not long before I was supposed to see her for the first time in a while during the holidays. I just couldnā€™t see her and her family while I knew I wanted to talk to her about taking at least taking space, if not breaking up.

I realize in retrospect that the breakup was a really good decision not just bc the relationship would be super hard to maintain under the circumstances, but also because I needed the space and time to discover myself in therapy from some childhood trauma.

Anyways, Iā€™m 6 months out, very much healed my anxiety and anxious behaviorsā€¦ but my motivation is so low. Iā€™ll I can feel is guilt for having dumped her and still being unable to have that inner drive to do things for myself. Up until now, Iā€™ve excused myself as thinking Iā€™m in a ā€œhealing periodā€ from the breakup. But I feel like Iā€™ve moved on from my feelings towards her and all is left is the guilt.

Iā€™m tempted to use this guilt as drive, but I fear I am setting myself up for failure in burnout down the line. Is saying ā€œget up today bc you owe it to yourself and someone you loved whose heart you broke to live life to the fullest as yourselfā€ bad?

Also, if anyone suggests seeking closure in apologizing in how I handled the breakup (I have a ton of regret in how I handled it), I canā€™t really ask for it. We are no contact, we left the breakup hoping to be friends one day but agreed we shouldnā€™t talk for a while.

Any thoughts are appreciated :)

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7 months ago