I think I am just coming to here to put my thoughts into words since today has been a tougher morning than usual. My (21m) girlfriend (20f) of 4.5 years ended things just over two weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been grieving and completely in my own head. I don’t fully understand why she left and it’s bugging me so much. When you get completely blindsided and are attempting to fight for your love, I feel like you aren’t able to fully process their words. She told me she still loved me and that I had nothing to be sorry about and didn’t do anything, but she said she needed time to find herself and did not want to be in a relationship right now. During the school year we did a roughly 2 hour ldr and I know that she was and still is really overwhelmed with a couple of different things in her life atm. I really want to fully believe her words and the hopeful side of me is clinging to the fact that the amazing woman I knew will take some time to deal with the things in her own life and eventually come back because I can’t compute how we were not meant to be. Another part of me has read all the gloomy comments in this sub and fears that I wasn’t given the entire truth and that finding herself is code for she will come back to me if she doesn’t find someone else. Part of me feels that seeing couples actually together at school might have made her desire something like that but idk. I also asked her if she planned on seeing other people and she said definitely not rn but maybe in the future and how that could be good for both of us. That really hurt bc to me it’s like how can you think about that but say ending things had nothing to do with me. It’s been making me question if she maybe did start losing interest. Again, I really want to believe in the former. We had amazing relationships with each others families, never fought, confided in one another for so much, had fun talks about the future, etc etc. We had just hung out for hours and had fun and nothing seemed off. Why couldn’t we work through things together? Why did she feel 4.5 years was worth throwing away? It just doesn’t make sense.