Last month, my (33M) ex partner (40F) left me after four years together. We hadn't been happy for quite a while - we hadn't had sex for a year and a half, were constantly at each other's throats, etc. Honestly, we were both checked out. I had been unhappy for three of the four years, but had originally stayed to try and fix it. We first got together two weeks after she left her abusive husband and it was a whirlwind - she love bombed the hell out of me. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. COVID hit and she moved in with me after only three months; we then proceeded to upgrade from my flat to a rented house.

As she healed, the romance faded. Our sex life took a downturn. Our once-perfect communication turned into me trying to talk, and her constantly saying "I don't know" to everything. I suggested therapy, both individual and couples, which she declined. This was surprising - she's a mental health nurse who "didn't believe in therapy." I did my individual therapy anyways. We spent less time together, and I was called overbearing for wanting affection. Her job came first, then her friends, then me. My efforts for date nights were rebuked.

I kicked myself for staying. I wanted romance, true love, marriage - all the things she said she wanted when we first got together. But it was obvious that she didn't want any of that. She wanted a peaceful life where we each did our own thing, then came home. The withdrawal of her affection killed my self esteem. I believed I wasn't worthy of the true love I wanted. I turned to drinking to cope and became so negative, so jaded with life. I lied to her about drinking and partying, because I didn't want her to see what I was becoming. All I wanted was her love, and when that didn't come, I filled the hole in my heart with the bottle. I realized that the love bombing in the beginning was just that; she had used our relationship as a crutch to heal, and the feelings that I had were one-sided.

She left me while I was abroad looking after my mother in and out of the hospital; I found out she left me for another man. While I was cleaning my mother's shit off the toilet, she was cooking him Christmas dinner in my house, shagging him in my bed, and spending all the time in the world with him. He got all the attention and affection I had ever wanted. I was devastated. But at the same time, I knew it had been dead for a while. I didn't want her back; I was just jealous that she had something I wanted.

I got back from my trip, and her situationship with the new guy imploded when she asked for exclusivity. It made me laugh - he discarded her feelings like she had discarded mine. We still live together for complicated reasons, but I'm trying to move out. I focused on myself and threw myself into the dating pool. I had so many online matches - it was difficult keeping up with then all! I realized how many beautiful souls there are in this world. People full of love and life; people wanting to feel the same things I felt.

Last night, I went on a date with a 25 year old woman. We have so many shared passions - politics, craft beer, music, etc. Even if it goes nowhere, I have proof that I'm the attractive, full-of-love guy that my ex made me feel didn't exist. We kissed and cuddled in the bars we went to. It felt so natural, so comfortable. I'm not rushing things, and I'm still focused on myself.

One stone at a time, I'm building my mountain of happiness. And you, dear reader, will too. You're worth more than staying in a shitty situation. You're the fun, attractive, sweet, charming person you always wanted to be. And somewhere out there is someone who will see you for who you are. Never stop pushing yourself, and never settle. When the going gets tough, remind yourself that you only need to shift one stone. And soon, you'll look at your mountain of happiness and say, "I built that, all on my own."