So this is what happened to me .

I started dating this  girl who I’ve known for about 8 years  just casual friend, she was dating someone when we met   And   She would disappear for months at a time.   Assume it was her boyfriends not wanting her to have male friends.   But she would eventually add me back  on Snapchat and  and just ask to hang out and smoke    This continued for years same pattern    And she never  gave me any hints that she was interested.

   Welll  this last summer she  hit me up I go over to see her  and her mom  who  has  a medical issue unfortunately and is very forgetful… And  I’m sitting with her mom and the mother tells her  “oh he’s handsome, you should date him”  she gets all embarrassed and    Later on  after her mom  gets taken back home  I tell her I think her moms right we should date.  She didn’t want to be in a relationship but tells me she  would  like  to “smash”     Well bet  I said   Better than  nothing.

   Fast forward 10 months  Were together every day I was staying at her  apartment  every day  while still having my own place.     And to disclose  (we did use  “C0ka” )    But  she tells me she’s pregnant … I was very excited  and  later she  wanted ton do some lines… I  tell her no I want us to be sober for the child…   And i did have some to be clear I took it from the house to  go sell to a friend. 

She starts ton freak out tell me to give it to her and she’s hitting me not hard but those flail arm swin type hits I leave the apartment she follows me outside screaming At me telling neighbors to call the police… She blocks my truck in And the cops pull up… she tells them I have drugs on me… and I end up in jail facing up to 20 years in prison for possession with intent to sell. Because I had a scale on me…

So I’m booked  and sit for almost 30 days   Didn’t have any numbers to calll  no  contact with outside world  no money to call because my wallet and phone were in my vehicle.  When I see the judge   I get released on a  no bail   That was a life saver because I had nothing…   I get out  almost 3 am after waiting all day and I have no choice but to  walk the 17 or so miles to her place where my truck was… I get there round 6-7  no truck   I’m just  no suprised but I knock on her door she answers and immediately slams the door in my face  I knock again she yells through the dooor that she had sn abortion and to leave her alone….. my heart broke I spent a month  in my head planning how I was so  ready to be a father and happy and  I already loved this  unborn kid   And it’s gone 

…. I sat there on the floor in the hallway crying fro prob 20 min before a set of police officers walk in the building and ask to talk to me. They tell me i need to leave the residents want me to vacate I tell them I have stayed here for almost a year with my girlfriend they wouldn’t hear it so I tell them my truck was here and if they could ask her where it was at. They obliged

She apperantly took it and parked it in the street and it was towed … it ended up at the police impound almost 30 days of fees endes up costing almost 1500 after all the fees and illegally parked ticket .. so they escort me off the property and I have to walk there another 10 miles or so Getting access to my wallet and phone in my truck . Lucky I had the money in my savings to get it out After walking 25 miles in a town I’m not even from (I lived in a small town 45 mins away) (She moved to the bigger city)

I tried calling her a few days later she’s told me she wanted nothin to do with me so I ask her to prove she had an abortion hoping honestly that she didn’t was lying but she had proof … heart breaks all over again not so much at the loss of our relationship which did hurt but the loss of the unborn child I had already built a connection to in my heart and head . I’m emotional, im disconnected from reality, I’m depressed and I’m just broken and can’t pick up the pieces My exes birthday is on Christmas Day which is in 4 days And I’m just falling right back into the same level of depression I was the day she told me about the abortion like the baby would be here by this time and instead I’m in this desperate depressed loop of work,eat,shower ,sleep and all I do is Suffer in my head about how my life it’s ruimed ,

Note:

I’m on probation now and I’m in counseling and therapy but nothing helps I my life is consumed with this Daily… sorry if I wasted your time I’m just so alone with this and no one to talk to beside my counselor and therapist