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Epiphany
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So my little sister was just going to bed. She's 7 and this is late for her. But she started bawling. Out of nowhere and when we asked her what's wrong it's because her friend had to go, mind you they are an hour apart so ideally my sister should've been asleep probably an hour ago, but what she said really resonated with me. It's something I've always pondered since I truly lost someone I cared about. Someone who cared about me. Death. She said her friend couldn't talk anymore tonight and I know that's alright but it was the sheer sadness that she could no longer talk to her friend that hit me. Hit hard. I cried for a few minutes after I excused myself from her room. This is a lot. I told my ex so many times that if you wanted to leave to lleave. Fuck I wanted to end it so many times before our lives got so intertwined. I am glad it is over now. It sucks but in due time I will meet someone else and atleast I have more drive than her. I love her but she doesn't know how to love herself,how to stand up for herself except towards me and that should have been a red flag. She didn't even care when her mom was blatantly disrespectful towards her own family, her own daughters and her mother. I always said this and it's truth. Church. If they wanted to be in your life they'd try. I have seen far more and way more fucked up relationships than what we had. We had magic. We had comprise. We had growth. We had it all and one day that wasn't enough. When you finally miss me I hope you aren't too upset to find my number will be different, it's long overdue anyways. That goes for you K and everyone else from my past. Yes you are far more recent. The rest of them I should've realized it far sooner. Yall are deadweight. Solitude is not a curse, it is a blessing. And remember if you feel disposable it's because you are not valued. They don't truly appreciate you. If someone can walk away from something without even trying , they dont deserve you.

If they are alive and make no attempt to be in your life, you are better of without them.

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1 year ago