Does it get easier?

I recently broke no contact hoping to reconcile and make a friendship with him once again. He said no and that The reason he’s been so distant is because “ the more I think about it we have pretty much nothing in common. I don’t know how to just talk with u and that’s not just your fault. We don’t click even as friends in my eye and even if we were to be friends it would just even up sending memes without talking.” After some choice words and a bit of a fight he ended up saying in a few weeks he’ll try to be my friend again. But honestly just feels like he’s saying that because he thinks that what I want to hear.

I’m sick of touring myself. Seeing when you active hoping you’ll message me. Hoping you’ll send a meme to break the ice. Hoping you’ll say how are you. Checking your following ( he’s following his ex again 🙃) seeing him delete our posts. Staking his snap maps seeing who his with and why he’s at our old date spots.

He has my number so he can text me at anytime but just like our relationship I’m not going to make the first move. Im not going to be the one initiating anything. And I’m not going to torture myself anymore.

Im a bit sad that I’ve blocked him. I feel like I’m finally closing a chapter I don’t want to close. I feel like I’m isolating myself. I feel like I’m closing the door for forgiveness and friendship ( because I don’t have many friends so I just want him back) I feel like I’m locking up all those memories.

But I’m also proud. Because I’ve been told to do it for weeks. And I’ve been thinking about doing it for weeks but that little bit of hope maybe he’ll realise how good I was to him and how worth of a friend I am. Hoping that he’ll realise how cruel he has been and apologise to me. But that won’t happen.

It’s hard but for the first time in a while I finally look forward to waking up again. I can’t wait to heal myself fully now give my love to my family, my best friends and most importantly myself.

Also just a quick question. Does it get better. I’m so scared.