It’s not fair how easily you fell out of love with me. I put everything into you. sacrificed my mental health to make you happy, make sure your okay and safe. I did everything to make sure you felt comfortable. I loved you so much. I did everything to not hold you back. I did everything to encourage you to be a better person and you admitted to me so much that you were a better person because of me so why is it now that you want to change and that you hate yourself so much that you have to break up with me.

It fucking hurts because when I wanted to work on myself All I asked for was a little bit of space but you fucking had to break up with me. I wanted us to work on ourselves together. I just needed to dedicate a little bit more time for me so that I could do that. So that I could go to the gym more, cook food again and catch up with friends.

And you couldn’t even respect that. You hated it so much that I wanted to gain a little bit of happiness again after struggling in the relationship for so long.

I just can’t believe how emotionally unavailable and immature you were while I was with you.

You suffocated me in your internal issues and wanted me to rot away with you while all you did was okay video games. You didn’t want to try and succeed with studies

I loved you so much and I would’ve done anything to make sure you were okay and I did. It’s kind of a bitter sweet because I realise how fucking awful you were/are to me.

and how you never did anything really romantic for me. and I complained, and I begged and I cried, and I asked you to all the time that you never did. So I had to do it. I was the one making sure that we were doing cute things going on dates and making sure that you are happy and okay since breaking up. I can see that you clearly have never respected me.

Don’t know why I do this to myself, but I constantly re-read that awful message. You sent that to me after four weeks of not speaking, and Ive just realise how unnecessary that was it was cruel. You didn’t need to do that . You can’t be that clueless to not know that it broke me Inside. Say that I’m gonna be there for you because clearly I was a doormat to you this whole relationship.

I don’t think I’m ever gonna get over it. You didn’t need to tell me that you don’t love me anymore. I get it I’ve been crazy post relationship. I haven’t been the best person either since this break up. I acted desperatly because deep down I am scared of losing you all together but what you did was just straight plain cruel and you’re not a nice person for this.

I hate that you’re acting like a stranger to me. Cause at the end of the day for some crazy reason I want you to be my friend. Or I want you to want me. Or I want you to apologise to me. Or I’m scared of being lonely. But I know that won’t be true.

You know everything about me all my insecurities. You know how scared I am to be lonely and yet you haven’t talked to me in weeks. To think that I still want to be friends. And you said we would. You actually said that. but you haven’t talk to me at all since the break up. that’s not how friends treat each other. Not that you really owe it to me anymore but I just would have hoped you have a little more empathy and respect for me. Friends check in on each other and I could really use your support right now and I know I’m not gonna get that and that I shouldn’t even be looking for that from you.

It’s really hard letting go of you but it’s getting easier every day. I’m just having some really rough days at the moment and I don’t want to make anything worse between us by sending you how I truly feel so I’m just gonna write it here

You can go enjoy finding yourself now. Just know that you didn’t have to do this. You really didn’t you didn’t make me happy you help me back Make me feel unloved so Thomas I hope you’re enjoying life truly right now.

I hope you’re over this break up. I hope that one day you realise that you’re you’re a cruel person for the way you went about it you’re an even crueler person for the way you’ve treated me. someone who once loved you with her whole heart.

You haven’t respected that I’m grieving. I guess you don’t owe it to me but I wish you would have some more empathy because God knows I’ve been really apathetic towards you and I respect your space when you never respected mine.

This whole relationship was always you. And now post break up it’s about you. Why can’t you just check in on me? Why can’t you just do the things I’ve asked for you. Why can’t you be my friend again. Why did you make me beg for respect. Why did you make me beg for you to take me out Why did you make me beg to tell me how you were feeling. Why did you bottle up your feelings from me until it was too late. And now why do I have to beg for your attention. Any attention from you.

And when we’ve argued post break up you fail or refuse to see my point of view. It’s been about you this whole time. It really has. You misread what I say and get angry at me for my feelings. You asked that I respect you which I’ve been doing much more than you’ve been respecting me.

When people fuck up in relationships they fight to fix it but clearly I wasn’t worth that fight. They don’t let each-other go so easily.

I’m writing this because I’m just over you holding reign over me. I’m over constantly looking back and reflecting on us. Hoping that you’ll one day reach out to me again. Hoping that maybe you’ll apologise for being so cruel to me post break up. You avoiding me when you see me around town. Getting anxious when I walk past you because you totally ignored me and pretended that I didn’t exist. Hoping that one day that you’ll reach out to me.

Maybe I’ll send this to you or not ( I don’t think that’s a good idea ) so that’s why I’m writing here.

You said to me” your right, I don’t think I can change into the person you want” and here you are doing that. I’m sick of seeing you doing well. Why did you need to break up with me to become this better person. You know I never held you back from it. That’s what hurts. The fact you’re doing all these amazing things with yourself and being happy without me when that’s all I wanted for you during this relationship and that’s all I ever encouraged you to do. You’ve always been capable of changing I just wasn’t worth changing for and worth being around while you change.

The crazy thing is I would still take you back I don’t know if that’s just been really desperate but I would cause I fucking loved all the good memories. of it as I’m looking back I realise I made those good memories not you me and I beg for you to tell me what was going on the whole relationship you had your feelings for me all the time I needed you to tell me what was wrong and then when you finally did you decided to break it up with me.

I hope you heal soon. Wish we could have done it together.

————————————————————————— Thank you all for taking the time to read this. It’s been a very tough couple of months but I truly look forward to embracing my healing journey. I know this probably doesn’t make sense, is too long and emotional. Makes me look crazy but I just need to tell someone how I feel. I’ve wanted to say something to my ex boyfriend for ages and it’s really hard not to. I don’t want to put myself through the hurt. The hurt of seeing he doesn’t care about me