I didn't know who else to ask this question and my next therapy session is so far away( Monday ).

My relationship with my ex gf was not perfect. We dated for 3yrs she 26f broke it off with me 24m a month and a bit ago. We were best friends and really got along and boy were we in love.

We both had our own personal battles and trauma at play in the background though. For me I grew up in an environment where I had to learn to suppress my bad emotions real quick ( anger, sadness, depression etc. ) because my parents divorced and I had to be strong for my younger sibling and had to step up. On the other hand she grew up where her dad was toxic and used words to hurt her when he was upset. This made her into a people pleaser and also a person where words stuck. But she also wanted me to be super gentle with her I guess because her dad was not and he had a loose tongue etc.

Anyways this year was extremely tough for us. I was under a lot of pressure this year and things in her life were not going very well. This meant she was vulnerable this year and I would hold my frustrations in and essentially burst every once in a while. Some of my frustrations were her where I didn't know what to do to help her and it was also hard on me to always cheer her up.

I do understand why we broke up. We were just triggering each other. I must also mention that since I didn't get a lot of affection growing up I was craving unrealistic levels of affection from her and since she was not ok she essentially couldn't give me that but thinking back I don't think any human can fill my cup because of how unrealistic it is. She also expected extra levels of gentleness that maybe noone could fill either because they're from a childhood wound.

The issue is I'm now struggling with guilt where I feel so guilty for snapping and exploding at another human being even though I promised myself I would not be abusive I guess. This is adding a whole other layer to the grieving process where I'm grieving the breakup and losing my best friend and essentially life partner because of not being able to regulate my emotions.