I've tried to explain myself many times. I feel used. I feel betrayed and abonded. I feel angry and sad. I'm severely depressed but what I feel most of all is pain. You wouldn't believe how much it still hurts.

I feel like I tried so hard. I can't imagine what else I could've have done. I don't feel like you were trying. I want to say you lost all respect for me along the way. I don't know why or how it happened, but the way you spoke to me in our last few interactions. The things you said and did was as if you were interacting with an enemy or someone you hated.

Almost like you wanted to make a villan out of me. I have to admit I did make it easy for you. I di lose my cool but it was mind blowing how you were already prepared for me to lose my sanity.

I used to follow your facebook and I think my soul literally died when I saw you married him so soon. He was such a childish douche. I mean I feel like you couldve have done so much better. I know for fact in the beginning he was just your back up to a back plan..

They may how it started and I stopped watching long ago but from what I saw that's not what he ended up being. You two look happy together. You two are enjoying the life I always wanted.

From where I sit it looks beautiful. A picture perfect family. I may feel I was treated unfairly. I may feel like I was wrongly demonized. I may feel like I have so much of my money love and affection for you to only use me as a stepping stone. It is painful to know I live my life in the gutter while you get to live such a happy life..

I may be jealous. I may be hurt. I may even be the bad person you think me to be, or at least treated me like. One thing I do know about myself is I would never try to take such a beautiful thing from someone I care so much about. It may hurt me in ways you could never imagine seeing you so happy in your new life knowing what I sacrificed for you to have it, but at the same time it still makes me happy in a weird way. Knowing at least one of us gets to have a life full of normal people stuff. Baseball games. BBQs, family, and friends.

Just know Im hurt and mad, but I'm also happy for you. That's why I'll never reach out to you again. That's why I'll never get to hear your voice again. My last gift to you is to let myself become a memory that will slowly fade away until forgoten. I love you Nicole. I miss you. I miss you alot. Stay beautiful.