So I have been single for 10 years (Had a very bad relationship before and needed to heal ). Up until this year. I decided to get on apps and I met a guy.We dated on and off for 3 months ( we travelled) but all along I was getting mixed messages from him. He was so crazy avoidant, I don't belive I knew much about him, he bearly asked me questions about my life. We were just hanging and f..ing which also didn't feel pationate for me. 2 days ago I had enough and I called him out. I said that is not good enough for me. He agreed to stay friends (in opposition to keep on trying to build relationship). And although I know it was good decision I cannot help feeling bad. I did so much work in and out of therapy so why I still chose unavailable guys. I'm nearly 40 my choices are limited. Im way too shy to meet people in real life and I find apps depressing. Then again I know I need more than breadcrumbs. Im losing hope I can be with someone. Although I am proud for chosing me and breaking up im also scared of my patterns. No much hope left Is all very dark for me now.