It’s been nearly 2 years since I caught my ex cheating (his excuse was the relationship was going too well) and just over a year since I last heard from my ex. He strung me along for 9 months whilst he figured out what he wanted. I’ve learnt from that and whilst I regret sticking around, I have compassion for myself as it was my first heart break.

I would not go back to him. Even if he asked. I will never reach out to him.

But I’m still just so sad about what happened. Everything took me by absolute surprise. 2 days prior me catching him, he’d taken me on a date for the sole purpose of telling me how much I meant to him.

I’m ok. I went on to finish a degree, buy a house by myself, and change to a more lucrative job. I’ve made more friends, I traveled extensively for 2 months. But none of those achievements mean much to me. Everything feels empty.

I’ve tried dating, but got told I’m very guarded. I would like a partner, but I just can’t find in myself to let someone get close. I feel so lonely sometimes.

I’ve tried therapy and antidepressants for the last year. But I just feel so sad all the time and I miss the person I was. Life just doesn’t have that vibrancy I was able to see before I got my heart broken.

Not sure what I’m after, but just wanted to put it out there I suppose.