I’ve been crying for days. It feels like I can't stop. I try to hold it together at work, at least. The last thing I want is for people to see me like this. But no matter how hard I try to push the tears back, they just keep coming. Sometimes it feels like they’ll never stop, like I’m drowning in them. Even now, as I stand behind the counter at Starbucks, I can feel them pushing against my eyes, threatening to spill over. I’m supposed to be good at this making coffee, smiling, chatting with customers but right now, everything feels so… far away. The world is happening around me, and I’m just stuck here, floating through it like I’m not really here. People smile at me. They ask for their drinks, and I give them what they want. But inside, I’m falling apart, piece by piece. It’s not just the breakup. It’s the feeling of losing myself. Like there was a part of me that was wrapped up in that person, and now that they’re gone, that piece of me is missing. I don’t know who I am anymore without them. I feel like I’m just walking through life, pretending to be someone I used to be. I’m pretending to be okay, but it doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like me. I wish I could just turn it off. I wish I could find a way to feel nothing, just for a little while. Anything to stop the ache in my chest. The emptiness. The loneliness. I don’t have the energy to keep feeling this way. I don’t have the strength to keep carrying this weight on my shoulders. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. I keep asking myself, “How long is this going to last?” I feel like I’m stuck in a place I can’t escape from. It’s like I’m in this deep pit of sadness, and no matter how much I try to climb out, I slip right back down. Every time. It’s not even about the relationship anymore. It’s about what’s left after. The pieces of me that are scattered on the floor, trying to figure out how to put myself back together. But I don’t even know where to start. Who am I without them? What do I even want anymore? I feel so alone. Like I have no one to talk to, no one who truly understands how broken I feel inside. People say time heals everything, but right now, time feels like the enemy. I need something now. I just want to feel better, even if it’s just for a little bit. I want to stop crying. I want to stop feeling like this is all I’ll ever be. I can’t tell anyone at work what I’m going through. They’d just look at me like I’m weak. Like I can’t handle things. But the truth is, I can’t. I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending. When I get home at night, I sit in my bed and I just cry. I cry until I fall asleep. But the next morning, I wake up, and it’s the same thing all over again. I don’t know how to make it stop. I just want to feel numb, like it’s all gone. Maybe if I could numb the pain, it wouldn’t hurt so much. Maybe if I could forget for a little while, I could breathe again. But I don’t know how to do that. I just keep going through the motions, trying to get through the day. Trying to get through each minute. And I keep telling myself that I’ll be okay eventually. But right now, it’s hard to believe that. All I know is that I miss myself. The person I used to be. The person who laughed and loved and wasn’t this empty shell of someone who can’t stop crying in the middle of the day. I miss that person, and I don’t know how to find her again.