I miss being in love. I was hopeful, energetic, happy. I had something I really wanted to live for, and my existence was validated by it. And then I was left alone. I am sure I do not miss her. I never ever want to be with her again. I do not love her now. But I love the idea of being in love with her. It was unbounded, limitless, freeing. And now, all of it is gone. And I know that I would never feel that magic again. I would never be as content with, as invested into, as dedicated towards as I was with her. Even if she comes back, I would never love her the same. Because I would always be afraid. Afraid that I would be left again. Afraid that I would be scarred again, afraid that it wouldn't last. And now I know that I can never love someone for the rest of my life. Something always comes in the way. I sometimes wonder if anyone has ever been in love their entire life with the same person. I really aspired to have a life like that. Where I just had to be dedicated towards someone and never have to worry about them walking out on me. It scares me to know that I will never have that in my life. It's a shame, because I know that I would have been an amazing partner, I would always walk a mile further than required for someone who I could call mine. But I now I know that I would never be with anyone in whom investing my efforts would yield the result of permanence. It scares me. It saddens me. It eradicates every bit of hope that I have in my life for having a content life. And it worries me because I know that nobody has that, nobody had that, and nobody will ever have that. If only loving was the solution of this miserable existence that we are born with.