In a huge dilemma. I'm in college and I met my current partner here, who is my first true love. I have never had a connection and love like what we had before, it was insanely romantic, felt destined, and all that sappy soulmate stuff. You get it.

However, I'm at the point now where there is a STRONG chance I have to break up with them. They were dating someone else when we met and still are. I thought I was genuinely okay and into this poly thing, but now I'm not. Not after feeling completely third wheeled while they went off to spend consecutive holidays w their other partner and families while I remained a secret, and they didn't check in on me or try to see if I was okay. And are being very distant and not messaging or trying to see me now after they're back.

Note : This other partner was abroad when we met and JUST came back for winter break, so they were out of the picture before. And I thought them two were about to break up because they have big reoccuring issues...but apparently I thought wrong.

So, if they don't break up with this other person and pick me, I'm out. And even IF they do, we have a lot of communication issues now. I likely need more assurance and active reaching out/consistency than they, a dismissive avoidant leaning individual who needs a lot of space and is already spread thin by a large social circle , can give. I thought we were on a good track with this communication stuff, we've had good conversation that brought us closer, but my trust is gone after these holiday escapades and sudden distance/silence. They feel like a stranger right now and not who I fell in love with.

IN SHORT, it seems most likely we will have to break up. I love them deeply but have to respect my needs and myself first. I need someone who I don't doubt their love for me like this.

But...

I will see them next semester. Everywhere. Constantly. We are in a small art building where we will frequently be in similar spaces, even outside of class. We have a three hour studio class together. There is no avoiding someone here, and especially not them.

And not to mention the memories. The whole place is littered with them. It would absolutely crush me to be reminded, daily, everywhere, of those bittersweet tainted memories. Of how happy and in love we used to be. The many places we've kissed , or shared long conversations, laughter. My private art studio where they'd come daily to eat with me, talk, or make out, will now be sad and empty.

Seeing them now, cold and distant, someone whose name made my heart flutter but now feels like a dagger in my chest, would absolutely break me. To see those eyes that used to smile and light up when they saw me, now grow cold and look away. To see the person I used to run to everyday in painting room and hug like I never would let go.... now grow cold and turn away, pretend not to see me. It would destroy me. Playing the avoidance dance with the one I love, and still love deeply, like an enemy-stranger.

This is my last semester here, and I want to be happy and do well in my art. Just a split second thought of us not being together next semester breaks me into immediate, painful, heart-wrenching tears. If this is only the thought, I can't imagine what the reality would do. I won't be granted the small peace of separation from our memories like in most breakups. I can throw out the letters and drawings and gifts, I can delete the photos, but I can't drop out of school. I can block their number, but I cant block their physical being, which I would have to face daily.

I am torn, deeply. We haven't talked yet, haven't split, and I don't know some key things. But this is most likely not going to work, and if they stay with someone else, there's no chance. I have to learn to choose myself and my future. I know I do, and maybe this is that test.

But next semester is my immediate future, and call me selfish, but I really, really, really don't want to suffer. I knew when I met them and felt how I did, this would be the worst heartbreak of my life. We haven't broken yet, but it already is. My grief, though still held back like a river behind a dam, has already begun, and it is--understatement--incredibly painful.

I hate that I even have this thought, but it has crossed my mind to compromise my needs a little to avoid this heartbreak until I graduate, at the price of my current self respect. I know, I know how that sounds.

But their other partner will leave for this semester again. Out of the picture. I would have a lot more time with my partner, and especially if we talk and work out the communication thing. They may turn to me even more after we've had this long break and I've pulled back on my neediness and wants. Given them space. They and their other partner may still split...and they were very much on the brink before.

But if they don't, it would feel pretty darn wicked and selfish to not tell them I can't do the poly thing. So my self respect AND moral integrity are on the line. Yet, I want desperately to not lose them and the love that was and avoid this hurricane of a heartbreak in my last semester here.

So thats the dilemma. Please, don't hold back on any thoughts. I want to hear it. What would you do? We're you able to make it through a similar situation?