Awhile back I made two posts going over the split up I had with my dom. For full context, those posts are there, however I’ll give a little summary (this is the briefest summary I can give).

Basically we split up because of not enough communication on his end and him not really being there that much (we were long distance). We dated for a short time before his partner (he’s poly) decided that they couldn’t handle us dating so he broke up with me but continued to be my dom for a while. It was the hardest decision to have to put my foot down and say that if he couldn’t make any time for me, then I couldn’t stay with him.

Now we’re about a month post split and we’ve talked a bit up to yesterday but not a ton. Then we talked and both admitted that we miss each other and having a Dom/sub dynamic. He said he could see us back in the dynamic at some point but probably not dating again (I’m assuming because of his partner but forgot to ask in the moment, will later).

One of the problems is that he’s fucking near perfect and it’s annoying. It is so hard to think clearly when talking to him because he was such an incredible dom and I want that back so badly. I was so happy when I was with him and my life still feels so bleak without him. I want to be back in a dynamic with him so badly but a part of me knows I can’t.

I have come a long way in terms of mental health and I am proud of myself for standing up for myself and telling myself and him that I deserve more then I was getting (which was towards the end, basically nothing, again, more context in previous post). And that same part of me knows that if dating is off the table, then I can’t do it because a part of me will always be wanting to feel like I am important enough to want to be with.

And I wouldn’t want the Dom/sub aspect to change if we were dating. But labels are important to me and I can’t go around telling everyone in my life about my Dom, but I can tell people about my boyfriend. And I want that same feeling reciprocated. I don’t want to feel like a secret.

Which is why I know that it won’t work. And I’m fucking heartbroken again. And I know I’m doing the right thing but it hurts so bad. I want this to work more than anything. I love this man so much and miss subbing for him and being his brat so much. But I don’t want to always be feeling like I’m not important enough.

I don’t really have any friends that are in the community so it’s been really difficult to talk to anyone about this. I know what I need to do but I feel like I have no support right now because I can’t go to people in my life about it. Any advice or just words of support would be greatly appreciated right now.