Relationships are hard, kink is complicated, mixing the two is full of problems.

Some people just get it, they make it look easy, their relationships work. For others it’s a long and difficult process.

All relationships regardless of who they are with have a few key characteristics that are needed to make them work. This is true regardless of if the relationship is sexual or not. Parent and child, siblings, best friends, work colleagues or lovers, they all need a certain amount of these key characteristics to work.

Clear communication, every relationship needs clear communication. No one can read minds. Don’t expect people to be able to read yours, or assume you know what they are thinking. Try to be less ambiguous when you talk to people. Be clear about things. If it about a problem or a dislike make it about the action and not the person(unless you truly dislike the person). Emotions and egos get bruised easily. “I don’t like the feeling of being touched there” is very different to “I hate it when you put your hand there”, one addresses a problem, the other places blame.

Consideration. All relationships require you to consider the other person in that relationship. Little things mount up, you may have had a perfect day, they may have had a series of mistakes and problems. Sometimes a little consideration and a step back can allow that person a chance to reset. Also consider what you may not see as a problem could seem a huge problem to someone else. Personal perspective matters a lot, so does perceived reality. A little effort into understanding their perspective can make a huge difference in a relationship.

Compassion is also crucial in any relationship and fits with being considerate. A little bit of compassion for others can go a long way.

These are all important in any relationship, even more so in a kink relationship due to the emotional, mental and physical nature of a dynamic. The amount of trust needed in a kink dynamic varies but is usually higher than the trust needed in non kink relationships. Restraining, punishing etc. Require that extra layer of trust.

Brats are even more of a heightened level relationship, due to the battle of wills that happens. This means all the elements need to be kept at a higher sustained level on both sides.

Sub and Dom drop can both be more intense when they happen, so the communication, consideration and compassion need to mirror this. Especially if the dynamic includes degradation or humiliation or more intense physical emotional or mental elements.

In the middle of a session having a sub screaming, crying and begging for it to stop, can be amazing. However an hour later the floods of tears from either participant can become a serious issue if not addressed with good relationship skills.

I see many posts on here that good communication or relationship skills used early on would have fixed. Part of the work I do with neurodiversity is around communication, and it’s amazing how much impact a few small changes can have.

Thoughts? What would you add? It would be great to build this into a helpful discussion on how to navigate kink dynamics and brats.