I'm closing in on 40 and the few hobbies I had were largely my friends. I've found myself not really looking forward to vacations lately. All my friends have families now and working from home has given me ALOT of anxiety. I feel stuck in my house. I'm not really into socializing in groups, I've always had a hard time feeling like I fit in or relating to people. I want what to start a family but like... I have no idea how to meet people, struggle to interact with them, dating is exhausting because of how badly I need a hug and its more anxiety than fun. I have a house but struggle to stay motiviated to take care of it. I basically rage play video games on the weekends with nothing better to do and recently beaning questioning is this a hobby or a drug to avoid my issues. Even if I found someone today, there is no way I could be a part of my children's lives the way my parents were for mine. And that's even if I can incorporate them into my life, I'm just embarrassed at how poorly I've maintained my family relations.

And I'm making this all sound like its way worse than it is. I think a lot of this just hit me all at once this past fourth and I'm looking forward to a little family party for my birthday and not much else. I'm just struggling to answer what is next for me and how to I find someone to build some new hobbies with?