So I was in a pretty serious relationship for literally a year and maybe a week. I moved from the states to Canada to be with my partner. I packed up all my stuff sold most of it and cut all my toxic ties in my home town to go start my new life with my soulmate.

I started noticing him getting distant around our anniversary and we took a break which led to us breaking up and me couch surfing at his friend's house for a few months where they were pretty passive aggressive towards me after a few weeks. He won't really talk to me anymore and said he'll reach out to be friends once he's ready.

It's been about 4 months now and literally anytime I don't have music or a podcast playing all I can think about is our last conversation and what I could've done to prevent this even though he dumped me caus he felt he was too young to be in a serious relationship and wanted to take the time to learn more about himself.

I never really got closure and I know this. He broke up with me over text the day before my birthday and refused to be around me in person anytime I came to visit my pet ( our friends place didn't allow animals) or came to grab things.

I never blew up or went off the handle with our break up. I tried to be very calm and graceful about it so I couldn't understand why he was so adamant about not being around me.

It all just sucks that I'm still not over it and any time we do communicate he's so hostile it makes me feel like a kicked puppy.

I don't know how to move on from this and I hate that it's all I can think about when there's nothing to listen to. I'm bored of all my comfort podcasts and I'm scared a song that reminds me of him will play when I listen to my music.

I don't know what I want from posting this here. I'm just exhausted and alone. I don't know how I fucked up this bad that I lost my best friend and partner.