I’m trying to practice Turning the Mind. I really fucking am. I’m not running from radical acceptance. I know they’re not coming back. I know they’re not.

But it doesn’t make this pain more tolerable. I know for a fucking fact that I won’t be fully over these motherfuckers until I find someone else who’s even better, but I’m just not ready for that. I’m recovering from feeling so drained by everyone around me the past two years. I’m trying to feel more confident in my body. I’m working on my health.

And yet… my mind and my heart cry out so desperately to be seen, to be wanted, to be loved, to be sought after, to be salivated over, to give everything and all that I am and to know and trust so intimately that I’ll be taken care of.

My future forever is still out there waiting for me and I want him so badly that I just want to tear off my skin if I can’t have him right now.