I’m forcing myself to laugh about it and not cry XD. Both in a BPD way and just normally, I have a hard time finding anyone I’m good for.

In BPD, I’ve grown so much and I’m such a different person than I was years ago. I was such a unhinged mess lol. I don’t have crazy episodes anymore, I’m not toxic anymore. I can communicate effectively and not lash out. I prevent myself from self sabotage. I’m so much better and yet, I’m still too much for people in some way XD

And just normally my personality is just different. I am super weird. I think logically and emotionally, and I’m either too emotional for someone or too logical for others lol. I generally think very unconventionally. It’s hard finding someone with my values.

There is a very rare amount of people I can fully be myself with. One is my best friend, she would be literally a blessing straight from god if they were real lol. I would not be here without her. She’s been here through my most unhinged BPD era lol. Been through the worst of episodes. She fully accepts me, and I could tell her anything. She’s the only person on earth I truly trust. I know she’d never abandon me.

And romantically the first person ever I could be myself with, and really understood me….. turned out to be…. I’m not even going to say because I think they could still be lurking my Reddit lol. That ended VERY badly to say the least. Some people are crazy that’s all I can say lol. I was treated both the best I have ever been, and the worst I’ve ever been. It was insane.

Then it’s not many people my age looking for what I’m looking for. Something serious, marriage etc. But then older people won’t take me seriously because I’m so young.

I’m so tired. I’m starting to lose hope foreal. Stuff is dire out here lmao. Thanks if you read this whole thing.