I’m a ghost in my own life. My late partner shot himself in our home 7 years ago. I didn’t deal with it and it has damaged all of my relationships. Sometimes, I am suicidal myself. My adult children have gone n/c. My “friends and family” will usually reply if I reach out. But in the past year plus, after I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for 3 weeks, no one reaches out to me. Ever. No one. My own mother forgets that “it” ever happened. I told her I was diagnosed with cptsd. And she couldn’t understand why. I was incredulous and said, “Because of Andy.” Then she looks shocked and said, “I keep forgetting about that.” My kids are NC since I was admitted last September. My best friend of 42 years said that even though I keep conversation light, most of the time, and I am invested in her, she still feels sad and bad after our conversations because she knows how bad things are. So she never reaches out either. I’ve had therapy over the past year and I’ve improved a lot. But having ZERO people invested in me. With every relationship I still have being one way. I don’t know how long I can hang on. My kids are my everything. And there is nothing left. My work is starting to suffer as I give up hope. My credit is bad because I’ve been struggling and I can’t get my car legally licensed or buy another one. Soon I won’t even have transportation. Since my kids have gone NC I can’t even consider dating. I just don’t have anything left to offer anyone now. I don’t want to visit this nightmare on those I love, but they don’t seem to love me back or to give a fuck. So I don’t know why I’m trying so hard.