My boyfriend told me he loves me recently and I had said it first many times (but in French which he doesn’t speak a lick of) I haven’t seen him in a month because his depression has gotten a hold of him and he just wants to be alone and sleep no calls a text or two a day if I’m lucky. It’s kinda like he doesn’t fully exist to me but I’ve chalked that up to the also newly diagnosised adhd and lack of object perminance. Anyway I’ve gotten to thinking and people have told me they loved me but those same people have hurt me so bad. I’ve told people I love them but it always feels a little hollow (unless it’s a favourite person obsession). I only really felt secure when my ex told me “you’re mine” because then for once in my life I was actually wanted. Love is so big as a concept when it feels like it should be so easy that idk if love even exists outside of my books. I’m reading a court of sliver flames rn and SPOILERS Cassian and nesta are making love for the first time after solstice.

PS. I asked on this account not my nice one because I wanted you guys to see how bad I am warts and all.