Preface: yes, this happened. It's not really funny and I'm not proud of the way I acted. NSFW because of language.

My daughter has a bicycle. She's very young (single digits) and somewhat uncoordinated. She also wears dresses almost exclusively. We live in a subdivision whose average population age hovers around 63.

We were riding on the sidewalk yesterday. Her bike hit a bump and she bounced up. The shorts she wore under her dress caught on the horn of her saddle and some butt cheek came out. She's 4, it happens sometimes. She stopped, got off the bike and tried to get her shorts back up.

Enter Lorna (not her real name). Lorna is pushing 70 and hates children. She was banned from the neighborhood Facebook group for racism. Has a Trump/Vance flag in her front yard. Ya know.

Lorna was sitting on her happened to see G (my kid) pulling her shorts up. She started laying into G like a banshee. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! COVER YOURSELF YOU DISGUSTING CHILD! THIS IS A DECENT NEIGHBORHOOD! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL FOR THIS! " etc etc etc. G screamed as soon as Lorna started up with her bullshit and wet her pants.

I saw red. Made sure G was safe and got her home. Cleaned her up, made sure she was comfortable with her mom and an episode of Bluey. Then I left the house again. I'm not proud of what happened next.

I walked back to Lorna's house. She was still smoking. I asked her "Why were you yelling at my child? You scared her enough that she peed her pants."

Lorna replied "Your child is a disgusting sinner and-"

I had had enough. I yelled as loud as I could: "WHY WERE YOU STARING AT MY DAUGHTER'S NAKED BUTT? DO YOU DO THIS TO ALL THE KIDS THAT WALK PAST YOUR HOUSE?"

She started trying to talk. I didn't let her. I kept yelling until she got up, at which point I told her "GO BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND LEAVE MY CHILD ALONE."

Then I went home and panicked. Hopefully that shamed the old bitch enough that she won't do this again. I don't know if she actually went inside or not, and I don't care.