Despite being naturally body positive in how I view others, I've recently been grappling with my own poor self-image. I'm sure you all relate to some extent to these feelings, like suffering anxiety about your appearance, having negative thoughts arise when looking at the mirror, hating yourself being photographed, etc.

I spent some time contemplating and journalling to figure out why I feel the way I do. In particular, I focused on the question of why it even matters what I look like. That line of inquiry made me realize that despite how I initially thought I felt, I'm not actually personally troubled by my appearance. Instead, I'm only troubled by how other people feel about my looks - mostly insofar as it relates to romantic interest, and by extension, the feelings of loneliness / isolation. And, so, that may be the "true" root of my failure to embrace body positivity.

I think these feelings have developed over time through my lived experiences. I'm a well put together and very respectful 24 year old male with a job, hobbies (not gaming, I engage in highly skilled hobbies that take significant time investment), friends, a professional job, etc., yet I rarely (almost never) have anyone show romantic interest in me, I don't date, I don't get matches on dating apps, and I have been told by some more frank people that I'm simply not attractive to them.

Even by employing measures of conventional wisdom directed to dating, I've been wholly unsuccessful. Women I'm friends with have tried to set me up with their friends, I've met plenty of women through hobbies (but these all remained friends), etc.

Because I've been unsuccessful on so many different occasions, I have - rightly or wrongly (and perhaps subsconciosuly) - convinced myself that it's because of my looks. I now believe these experiences and the fear of lonelienss is what makes me dislike my looks - not some innate objection I personally have with my looks (even though it feels that way, and I'm clearly not some super conventionally attractive person).

I think my dislike for my looks would instantly evaporate if my fear of loneliness disappeared.

Others may have similar experiences - for instance perhaps you've been bullied for your looks and so the true object holding you back is the fear of social ostracisation and being the subject of ridicule - not actually your looks. I'd be interested to hear about your experiences and thoughts.

Also, I have no idea how to deal with my negative thoughts. Do I make myself feel better about how I look? Or do I do something to target what I think is the "true" root of the issue - in other words my fear of loneliness?