I have always been a big guy, I was resting at about 230lbs my whole adult life until I hit a road block that sent me down a really really dark path and I ended up gaining more than a 100 lbs. i was close to 400lbs at my heaviest, I think I clocked in at 380 something lbs. at this stage, I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror and felt helpless, and the only advice I was getting.. eat less, work out (which is 100% spot on advice, and could solve everything) but this mental / psychy is just something else… I’ve recently dropped a lot of weight and moved down a shirt size, but my mind and eyes keep making me think I’m getting bigger and bigger… I saw a picture of myself when I was at 230, and I thought to myself, I wish I could be that guy, but when I was that guy.. I felt like I was the biggest, most disgusting scum on the planet. I’m working on loving myself more, I’m leaning into accepting my body and being joyous of it and expressing my sexuality.. because I am a very very sexual individual.. it’s just that.. irl I can’t express it due to these thoughts and self perception.. I have recently started posting nsfw content on Reddit and people are responding to me in such a way that it is making me feel really good about myself, obviously it’s a fetish thing for people and it’s pretty fuckt up that I’m even doing these sexual posts in the first place but, it’s giving me some good vibes and energy that people want to “play” with all this, that I myself view as disgusting.. I’m just afraid that I might be going down a slippery slope here.. Idunno why I’m making this post.. maybe someone has some advice for me.. ? Maybe someone can shed some light and awareness that I didn’t previously have.. anyways, I appreciate you all and much love for reading through these thoughts of a random Reddit weirdo ✌🏾