I'm in a bit of an odd place. I was anorexic as a young teen, but I thought I'd dealt with it.

I eat, and heartily. I'm overweight, and I've spent a lot of years loving my fat body and being an advocate for body acceptance. Health at any size worked great because I was totally healthy.

But this year my doctor asked me to remove sugar and carbs from my diet, and I am having a really hard time. Not with removing things, I'm having a hard time with not removing more. I'm skipping meals, slipping into shame spirals, a lot of old behavior I thought I didn't do anymore.

I'm also realizing that I never did deal with my anorexia. I just started eating whatever I wanted and divorced myself from the fact that it was happening. I've never thought about to what I ate. As in I have actively ignored it. My boyfriend pointed out the other day that I've never really looked at a menu all the time we've been dating. I just freak out and order the first thing I see and usually hate it.

I'm looking for a good book on the subject, but it's all so overwhelming. Any recommendations?