When I was really young maybe around 6-7 years old I unfortunately had a sexual relationship with another family member my age and same gender (male). I can’t remember where it started but he grew up in a lower middle class home and I’d often visit and stay the week or weekend. While I was there we showered together to save water so im sure that’s where it started. However in a way we both had no idea what we were doing but we just did it because we thought it felt good and we liked it. As we got older we stopped because we realized what we were doing and kinda had a non talked about mutual agreement that we would forget all about it. When I’d spend time around him sometimes late at night I wanted to revive what we once did but clearly I can’t because now I have a working mind and know it’s wrong but it’s still in the back of my mind. Maybe 2-3 years later I was groomed by a little older cousin but we’re still kids and I went along with it because of that experience I once had. Now I’m traumatized from it kinda but I got over it because I agreed to it and it and I knew what I was doing. Now I’m left with this wanted pleasure of being with another man but when time comes I’m always scared and back out. I have a girlfriend and it’s just what I keep to myself because obviously if I did something with another man it would be cheating but I still want to. (Thx for reading I’m also 19 to put a little bit of a timeframe.🫶)