So I was masturbating with a dildo in my ass and mouth, and I realized, more importantly, owned, that I wanted to get fucked for real.

I’ve been thinking about it all my life. And doing anal play. But in the last two months it started to hit differently. I’ve been divorced for a couple years now.

I realized I have feelings for one of my close friends. I want to hold him protect him. I want to give him pleasure. I want him to want to give it back.

I came out to him. And he was super supportive. I asked if I could blow him. He was kind and flattered but said no. I’ve come out to a few friends and they have been great.

So now I feel like it’s time to explore. I don’t know if I am bi or heteroflexible. But I feel it’s not “official” until I have a mouth full of cum and decide, yes. I need more of this in my life.

I’ve been sexting with dudes and it’s fun. I don’t know what the next steps are.