This is basically an update to a post I made here a couple days ago, and also a very NSFW post, at least for my standards. Sorry.

I accepted I was bi just last week and when I did so, in came flooding 6 years of repressed feelings for girls. I was denying myself a literal part of my psyche because I thought my feelings for girls were mistaken and not real. Well... they very much are. And now it makes complete sense why after 6 years of only guys my bi-cycle is HARD leaning towards women (nyehehe, I said hard). I said that my feelings for both sexes are now physical, not just for men. I wanted to see if I could "prove" it.

During my "gay phase," I purposefully avoided straight porn. I thought there was no point. It was just me lying to myself, trying to appease people that wouldn't even know I was watching it, thinking I would never be sexually attracted to a woman and I should just watch something I knew I would be.

Then since I got into my first genuine relationship with my boyfriend, I have had no desire to watch porn of any kind. Even after it ended, I have yet for porn to (normally) cross my mind. But I was too curious about this, more or less, "experiment." I wanted to see what my reaction was. Well...

First I was scrolling through the videos on the homepage where there was both straight and gay porn. I saw asses with a womanly waist, and I wasn't sure whose it was. I have seen guys with a back that looked like that. And I realized...I didn't care. Ass was ass. I clicked on the videos, and seeing the woman's ass, I wasn't trying to avoid it like I used to. I was liking looking at it like I would a man's. Nothing about the video was turning me off. Nothing was making me disinterested.

Then I stumbled across a more homemade video with a woman named Laura. Well, that's what the video says her name is. Anyways. She just happened to be my type. Eyeliner ending in wings and long dark hair falling over her shoulder. She seemed to enjoy being there. At that moment she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She had a body and an ass that I would want on a man. She started doing things to the guy that I love a man doing to me. And I got hard.

I did not give a shit about the man or his penis. It helped that the video was from his POV, probably, but I was basically blocking his body from existence. I began to realize that everything I could ever want to do to a man applies to women. The guy began doing something I love doing to guys: the hand search, where you slide from their upper back to groping between their legs. I was completely turned on seeing this happen to a woman, and imagining doing it to one.

So... my answer to my experiment was yes. It is surreal realizing how indifferent I am now to what I would want to do to a body. I never thought I would have these feelings. I was completely correct that the reason I struggled to get hard even with guys was because there was an emotional blockade. Now that I've accepted being bi, now that I know my sexual feelings can apply to women... I think it is being lifted.

And so... if there's anyone out there in my position, hopefully this can act as a sort of whitepill. (Nyehehe, I said pill).