Hi everyone. This is so strange for me to understand. As many would say we never fully understand our sexuality.

25 year old guy here, single since 20 and have explored since then. Have been in chat rooms as a teen with much much older men and I do believe this has affected me long term ( this is what started it all ). I’d say my experiences are 50/50 with guys and gals. I am ashamed every time I’m with a guy, I feel it’s purely for stimulation and as soon as post nut clarity hits I hate myself. Every single time. I have never felt this once with a woman.

I was recently in a short term thing ( about 2 months ) with a woman who I really did like. She accepted this part of me no problem. Not once did I think of guys nor did I want to think of guys. As soon as that was over I immediately got a bj off a guy and hated myself 10 times more. I want a woman as a life partner and when I’m with one I never think of guys. But as soon as I’m single I look for sex and the vicious cycle continues. There is little to no attraction to guys, i try meet the most feminine guys I can and it’s still not enough to not feel terrible.

Do I just have a ridiculously strong need to feel wanted ? I am struggling with this a small bit for as long as I can remember. I fear a woman will never accept me once they learn this about my past and that I’ve been with guys . Is this a job for a therapist?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.