Oh how confusing this one is.

Can I weirdo everyone out (dunno whether that’s actually English… 😝). If you read my post about that str8-ish guy from tennis, this will make sense to you.

Guys: I am now 50yo. I am bi. I have a happy family and a good career. All is well. I am able to play with guys as long as it is safe. So, basically: a dream come true for most of it.

And I have to admit that I never was able to develop feelings for guys other than bro 👊 feelings. I would have sex with them passionately- but once it was over, PNC kicked in and I was back to the bro I was before fucking each other senseless.

Until this year…. And I didn’t watch out about the beforementioned crushy feelings I started to develop for this guy. It took me a long time after what happened to admit: I think I have a bloody crush on that dude.

And to make matters worse: I am not over it still!!! Un.be.fucking.lievable.

I have been stuck with these emotions and I don’t know how to move on?! I miss him on a daily basis and I feel like a stinking teenager. I keep telling myself: this isn’t happening to me!!!

But it is. That’s the plain and simple truth. I am stuck with him and I don’t know how to let go. This has been going on for over 6 months now. We don’t talk to each other anymore and we don’t spend any time together whatsoever.

But this sheer avoidance of each other makes the desire like a furnace. When I see him he tries to avoid me. Maybe because he feels insecure or because he is angry. But I get the feeling that it’s the former rather than the latter.

If there’s anyone out there able to give me advice and push me in the right direction, I’d appreciate that.

I know it won’t work. I know it’s stupid. I don’t even know why I have feelings for the friend of my son. God in heaven!!! That’s impossible!!! But if I listen to my heart I think he’s the most gorgeous guy, the brightest of young people and I just love being with him. The vibes around him make me feel so relaxed. I love it. I love it. Did I mention that I love it?!

Oh dear oh dear. What a mess….