So I came out to my gf some time ago, we love each other deeply but she knows my desire to be with men, but I’m heteroromantic. So we talked about it, she isn’t for a generally open relationship, but she gave the okay for me to try and find someone to fulfill this desire, as long as its discrete and she does not want to know about it. That‘s what makes me struggle the most, she doesn’t like the idea but approved of it for me. So I‘m conflicted between desire and guilt. My whole friend group knows I’m bi, they have always been accepting towards lgbt, but definitely also opened more up about it since i came out. My best friend ( i am 98% sure he is straight, we openly talked about it), knows about the „arrangement“ with my gf, and has been noticeably (my perception, maybe I’m over interpreting) more persistent asking to hang out together. He is also the type of guy I’m physically attracted to. So I‘m thinking about asking him if he would be fine with me giving him blowjobs. I‘m not afraid of him potentially turning down the offer, but I am worried about if this sounds like a recipe for drama or chaos. He’s never had a gf, solely because of commitment issues on his side, but he’s a needy guy. So it could be a win-win situation for us. It would be easy to hide, but might also have the potential to accidentally get leaked, since my gf and best friend also see each other whenever we go out with our group.

Does anybody have advice, or experienced something similar?

TLDR: gf gave the ok to try being with men, as long as she doesn’t know. Should I offer bj‘s to my straight best friend? Is this a recipe for guilty feelings and chaos?