I'm about to make a big ass claim but I think Bi-Cycle is internalized Biphobia. Bisexuality isn't Half gay Half Straight it's bisexual something different entirely and seeing it as two different things is what's fucking me up entirely. For example you what I realized when I'm watching straight porn I'll see a man with a fatass fucking a girl in missionary and I'll feel bad for looking at the ass or looking at his the size of his penis and it will kill the boner, or on the other side I'll see a bunch of naked dudes showering then start picturing girls showering with them then think it's intenzlized homophobia and to commit to being gay. And you what it wasn't a mental cycle of Straight/Gay/Straight/Gay rince repeat that was causing the problem it was that because there's an unconscious voice in my head that says that's gay you shouldn't like that or dont look at those boobs that's homophobic you never want to accept being gay.We are not straight men and we're not gay men so we don't have to do feel bad about not doing the seeing sex the way they do. I wasn't planning on writing on a whole ass essay tonight but it had to be said.