I'll preface with saying that I'm quite drunk, because yesterday was my birthday and it kinda sucked, lol. So I'm here, sipping vodka and watching French TGVs on YouTube.

I (27M) live in Austin, TX. Which is as liberal as it gets around here... A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take the effort to go to a gay bar for the first time. Now, I've experimented with guys I've met online ~5 times before over the last 4 years, so I kinda had an idea what I was looking for. Unfortunately, my social anxiety got the better of me and I barely spoke to one girl during the 4 hours that I was out drunk and bar hopping.

Being frustrated, the next day, I got a bit impulsive on Grindr, and started talking to this guy who after seeing my pics genuinely was begging to fuck me. I'm a bottom and he was top. So he came over in the evening, and we got off a bit awkward, as expected. But I'd had a few shots to prepare myself for this. Once we got hot and heavy, I... naturally fell into my submissive role. I've never had anal sex before inspite of really really enjoying the idea of it, and experimenting with toys. And even though I'd not planned on doing it, I found myself giving consent to it when he asked, and he pinned me down and fucked me. For some reason, even though I was only slightly tipsy and was horny, I... dissociated. I felt like a third person watching myself having sex with this person. It felt out of my control (which is something I actually think is hot), but felt disconnected. Like, I was trapped, but also didn't feel the need to escape. It was so fucking weird. 4 out of my 5 previous experiences with guys have been fantastic and extremely validating (I can go into details if needed), and the one outlier was because I got too stoned on my first try of edibles during my visit to Toronto, and could not... move as needed.

So, my first experience going all the way was weird, I guess I just needed to rant. Anyone had something similar?