Yesterday I pushed through my fear and told my longtime girlfriend that I’m probably bisexual. It was scary but ultimately positive I think. My heart was pounding so much that my Apple Watch literally gave me a warning (which broke the tension and gave us a good laugh. Like, no, watch, I’m not having a heart attack, I’m just telling the woman I love that I want to have sex with another guy).

She was supportive and non-judgmental, but it’s put us in a weird place. I finally decided to tell her when she asked why I’m not interested in getting married even though we’ve been together so long. The bi thing is a big part of that. Basically, a fear that in getting married I’d be closing doors to more experiences I could have (both sexually and otherwise). She’s really certain she couldn’t handle me exploring sex with other people (of any gender) while in a relationship with me, which I can respect and wouldn’t want to hurt her by doing so.

So now there’s a tentative possibility that I might seek out some kind of work or school or other opportunity elsewhere in the country or world that I could do for a few months and we would put our relationship on hold for that period. We’d both be free to see other people and then I’d have the chance to explore what I’m doing and what I want. I’ve been anxious to go somewhere and have some kind of adventure anyway, so it might be a good idea.

So now I’m swinging between thrilled excitement at the possibility of finally exploring this side of me that’s been slowly awakening over the past few years and feeling awful about the pain I know it would cause her (and has already caused) by disrupting our lives. And guilty for feeling so excited about something so potentially painful.

Anyway, that’s my current situation. Thanks for reading. Anyone been through similar? How did it turn out?

Feel free to dm if you’d like.