Hello all! I recently started to go back on dating apps, (haven’t dated in 3 years, after a 4 year relationship to a woman prior). And as one does, I eventually realized I wasn’t getting as many swipes as I wanted so I changed my filters to people much older than myself (m25), just to kinda get the boost of attention potentially.

Anyways it worked and I got a lot more potential matches and it made me feel desireable. Now here’s where I need some help.

I matched with a man who is 40, and that’s quite a big age gap for me. I do find him attractive and the conversation, albeit only for 2-3 days, had been surface level but enjoyable! Tonight he flirted a little bit more and I was in a good mood so I returned it. When the conversation went to something very vanilla, talking about cuddling. I asked if he was a big spoon or little spoon. Since I’m shorter for men, and he’s taller than me, he replied he generally prefers big spoon. I said I didn’t mind and it made sense with our body types. He then insinuated more things about potential sexual dynamics and i finally realized that he’s predominantly a top.

Coming from a heterosexual relationship as my only experience with sex, Im quite nervous about that idea. Not that I’m completely opposed but by no means am I ready or experienced. This kind of made me have to do a hard pause to the flirting just out of fear of promises or if I was even fully willing to get involved in that. Hell I’m not even sure I was ready to date, let alone hook up, let alone someone so much older.

I’m just a little panicky about what I’m feeling and I’m curious if anyone else has gone through that first bi panic of potential same sex sexual acts and not fitting the position you were experienced in. I don’t want to come off as leading this person on, but it’s been 3 days. Am I wrong for my response?