Hey, sorry in advance that you've probably all heard some version of this a million times, but I don't really have anyone I can talk to that can really understand what I'm getting at. I have a very supportive partner who is encouraging me to explore myself and my sexuality, but given the fact she's not a man and has a different lived experience she isn't quite able to relate. Anyway, getting ahead of myself.

I'm a guy in my 30s, and up until fairly recently I would've told you there's no doubt in my mind that I'm straight. But for as long as I can remember being aware of sex I've always had these curiosities at the fringes. What's giving a blowjob like? What's stroking another man's dick like? What's having sex with another man like? These thoughts came to me unbidden in puberty, and even in locker rooms over the years I'd find myself stealing glances below the waist and above the knees. Where other guys "freaked out" about male nudity at the slightest drop of the hat, I thought it was just kinda... Normal. It didn't really arouse me per se. It didn't stick in my brain the way seeing a nude woman would, but it also wasn't altogether unwelcome either. It just was what it was.

Still, I was never attracted to men in any real form. I didn't have a crush on any dudes, and, in fact, I found most guys to just be in-your-face unattractive. It wasn't until much later that I had the thought that judging guys as unattractive instead of being totally neutral about them might be a signal of some sort. Regardless, I stayed convinced that I was straight for this reason, and I ignored my cock curiosity.

I've lived like this most of my life, and have been happy with it generally speaking. But as time has gone on and as I've become more mature, honest with myself, introspective, and open minded, I found myself tending more and more to allow bisexual content, from memes to porn, in my media diet. It wasn't conscious, it was just kinda relatable. I didn't really question why this was, I just figured we're all human ya know, bi people have human problems, jokes, and porn too.

It wasn't until I started dating my now partner that I started considering I might be bi. She identified it before I ever would've. I was resistant at first because still, I don't find the majority of men attractive. But then I had to admit to myself that even that was a change. It's not that I don't find any men attractive, it's that I don't find the majority attractive. This left me a bit perplexed, and kinda lost I suppose.

So there's where I am now, really. Wondering if I'm bi or just human. Am I 98% straight? 95%? 50%? I dunno. In truth I don't think it matters much. I'm not sure what I'd do if I discovered I was truly bi (though the partner has expressed her own potential interest in my exploring that physically, which is a whole other set of feelings and thoughts to process). I guess what I'm really rambling about here, and what I'm asking is two things:

1. Is this relatable at all?
2. What can I do/who can I talk to that can help me understand and unpack what's going on in my brain?

I should note I'm not distressed in any way. I'm happy with who I am, whoever that may be, but at the same time this feels simultaneously life altering (potentially) and yet exactly the same. It's confusing to say the least.

Anyway, yeah, I'm rambling. Hope this makes sense. Thanks all.