Hi all,

You can see my last post if you're interested in my full story of dealing with a BiPolar SO. The story ends with her meeting a guy at the Behavioral Hospital she was at for 2 weeks, disappears for 3 days after she's discharged and tells me that she stayed with him. All while I'm raising our son, running the house/taking care of pets, working full time and fighting with our insurance for all of the recent hospital visits. I'm still having a ton of trouble recovering from that painful shock.

I've started going to therapy to try and process what the hell happened the last few months while everything really spun out of control, that last piece was just the devastating finishing blow. Part of me is still incredibly upset that she may still have some sort of relationship with this guy and I want neither myself or my son to be nowhere near that (but we haven't spoken so I have no idea if that's true or if I'm making that up). My therapist basically said that the more I harbor on that final incident, the more wasted energy I'll be expending. It's basically not worth thinking about in his mind, so just move on from it and focus on bettering myself overall. I've made a genuine effort to not think of it and to spend my energy on more important things like playing with my son, working on the house, exercising, etc.

Here's where it gets weird. Now the less I'm actively trying to think of it the during the day, the more I've been dreaming about it overnight. My sleep has been terrible since this happened, but whenever I'm able to fall asleep this is what's going through my mind. Dreaming of her and this guy together rubbing it in my face with how much they destroyed me. I wake up mad at myself that I can't even sleep without this plaguing my thoughts.

Has anyone else been on the receiving end of something like this and have any helpful tips or advice? This shit disgusts and devastates me while simultaneously feeling like a slow toxin coursing through my brain. Any thoughts or help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much for reading and for this community, stay strong through your own struggles!