Not sure where to even start with this. My wife has been diagnosed with BP-2 for about 8 years. I have a TBI, C-PTSD and have been sexually abused when I was younger by a friend who was a girl ( I was 10ish). We've only been together around 2 years and have been very open about our mental health diagnosis. I've been in extremely toxic and abusive relationships before and the same goes for her. Our relationship aside from our sex life is great, she's the most supportive person I've ever been with. She's authentic, weird and comfortable in her own skin most of the time. She pushs me to speak up for myself and create boundaries. She also (unknowingly I believe) puts pressure on me because of her BP.

Our past sexual history was relatively in the same ball park as far as experiences go. Our sexual wants and desires are similar but don't entirely over lap.. I get pleasure from performing oral but she can't stand it and usually won't want me to. We've talked about opening our relationship up when we first got together. Sharing our sex life with another seemed safe with her. I've also felt shameful and afraid to tell her about certain parts of my sex life before her. Her reaction to finding out a woman I was working with, had feelings for me when we first met was less then "understanding". I lied to her about what transpired before she came into my life with that woman. I know I shouldn't of lied, I felt trapped inside my own shame (head) and that was a defense mechanism.

She has issues stemming from her absentee/abusive dad and her step mom with a personality disorder. I feel a lot of pressure from the looks she gives me at times. I don't know how to describe it, it feels almost possessive. Although we've talked about sharing our sex life, shes told me she doesn't want to share me in recent conversations. That coupled with the looks from her eyes, scare the shit out of me. She'll call me a "guy with a safe penis" at times.

Our sex life was amazing when we first got together, although lacking oral pleasure on both sides, it was great. I could feel her energy when we would kiss. Like a fire getting fresh logs thrown in it. Our passion for each other was very apparent until we moved across the country. She had an episode during the move and hasn't fully recovered. She's told me she doesn't feel fully recovered. We went from having sex multiple times a day, to once every two weeks almost. When we do have sex, it's vanilla now. Same positions and it has to be how she wants it. I've been feeling sexually stifled/frustrated lately and it makes me feel like a horrible person.

I've brought up my thoughts about this recently. Thinking it was something I was doing/not doing that has affected our sex life and she assured me it wasn't me, that its her brain and body not feeling it. I am so very attracted to her and feel very lucky to be allowed into her life. I also know my needs aren't being met. She tells me hers are and that's where my guilt with this stems from.

We've both been in therapy for our diagnosis, she stopped seeing her therapist due to not feeling as if any progress has been made. I stopped seeing mine because of financial reasons and realizing I need a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse. She's not used medications for her BP for about 5 years now due to research pointing towards a holistic, whole food plant based lifestyle doing more for BP than Medications. She also has trauma from an overzealous pill pushing psychiatrist that also affects that decision.

How do I talk to her about my sexual needs and how they're not being met? How do SO of other BP relationships navigate those waters?

I feel like a piece a shit for even posting this and will understand/expect any criticism. I have a hard time asking for help as self sufficiency has saved my life. I need help, please.

Edit: if you need more back ground to give me better advice, please let me know. I'm an open book