I (28/f) had been in a somewhat ldr relationship (2 hours away, with the exception of staying together last summer while he job searched) with a guy (25/m) for a little over a year. He just got diagnosed in May, and I have tried to be here for him and as supportive as I can. Every now and then he would become manic and tell me he misses his single life and he's not attracted to me anymore and he wants to party, but it wouldn't last more than a few days and he would come back and apologize and tell me he loves me.

I found out in November he started using coke, and our relationship became very strained. Toward the end of December, he was using it pretty heavily, and I had a breakdown due to worrying about him and also some family health problems. He said he knew it was time for him to start trying to quit, but he was cutting our weekends together short because he wanted to go out on Friday nights.

I was INCREDIBLY frustrated with his doctors (pretty much rotating nurse practitioners so he doesn't see the same person consistently). They happened to not drug test him after finding coke in his system 2 weeks before. She believed when he told her everything fine and sent him off with the same dosage with no appointment for 2 months.

In mid January he broke up with me saying he wants his single life back and his freedom. He said that he cheated on me (I have no idea if it's true because he had said it before and it turned out not true - but I'm assuming it is) and he has gone partying with his friends and done tons of coke with strippers..he would go back and forth saying he loved me or he didn't.

Despite all of this, we were still spending time together and pretty much behaving the same way we did as a couple. We took a weekend trip out of town and he called it the "first step toward fixing our relationship." It was an amazing weekend.

2 weeks ago he finally had his appointment that I had been waiting for..he had no choice but to be honest with them because they drug tessted him and he had another night out the night before. It was a pretty nice weekend for us, and I had a new hope for his new medicine.

Last weekend, I went to visit for an early Valentine's dinner, and his mood was very bad. I found out he used coke heavily that week, hadn't slept in 4 days, and didn't even pick up his meds until the previous day, so he was a week off meds. I convinced him to take his meds that night, but I have no idea if he's still taking them. He was upset with me for "still acting like his girlfriend" and told me he was going to start seeing other people. I drove back home crying in the rain late that night. This was my first time actually leaving rather than letting him cool off then trying to fix things. That was a Saturday and we didn't speak until Monday when he sent me a text apologizing and sounding a little depressed and paranoid. He was saying part of him wants to quit the drugs and part of him doesn't, but he said he did take his meds.

This weekend he was out of town with his friend. He sent me a lot of Snapchats, but I noticed yesterday he took my picture off of his instagram, and he has been following a lot more girls and liking their posts. He also changed his Facebook profile pic today and that stung too.

I guess what I'm looking for.. is this the mania and the drugs, or does he really not care for me anymore? Should I wait for him to see if he comes around or give up? I feel like I've been giving him so much love for so long, but since he started the coke he hasn't really been able to give much if any back.

I'm trying to implement no contact as of yesterday, but he has another appointment next weekend and his doctor is in my town. We were supposed to meet up.

I don't know. Logically, I know it's best to remove myself from the situation so I'm not caught in the cycle anymore. I've had to start therapy (also due to stress from graduate school), and today I went to the doctor and got put on antidepressants. I know it's time to put myself first but something deep inside still wants me to fight for him.

But maybe fighting for him is best this time by kindly bowing out and hoping he will realize everything and get himself together? Instead of being the one who is consistently there even after how he treats me. I am scared for him because of the drug use.

I am super hurting that he's seeking out so many other girls. Is this because of his illness? Or is he really able to throw me away and move on so quickly? Does anyone have any guidance?

I'm sorry that this is so long. I hope it makes sense... My brain is so foggy from being upset, and it's making it hard for me to make coherent sentences.

Tldr; BPSO left me recently so he can be free to party and do coke and meet new girls. Is it possible he will come back around or is all hope lost?