Your question about the sense of self in someone with bipolar I disorder touches on a profound and often troubling aspect of the condition. When someone with bipolar disorder shifts dramatically between manic, depressive, and stable states, it can indeed feel like they are “different people.” These shifts can challenge our understanding of their sense of self—and even their own understanding of themselves. Here’s how bipolar disorder impacts the sense of self and why it might feel so fragmented:

1. The Role of Mood States in Identity • Manic Self: In mania, a person often feels invincible, euphoric, or driven by grandiose ideas. They might see themselves as a completely different person—someone larger-than-life, highly confident, and detached from everyday worries or commitments. This version of themselves might act impulsively or make choices that contradict their stable self. • Depressed Self: In a depressive state, that same person may feel worthless, disconnected, or even alien to the joyful, confident self they experienced during mania. Their behaviors, values, and even their personality might seem unrecognizable from a partner’s perspective. • Stable Self: During periods of stability, they might feel confused or ashamed about behaviors in past episodes, leading to a sense of fragmented identity.

These extreme shifts can make it feel like their “core self” is elusive or even absent at times.

1. The Fluid Nature of Identity • Bipolar disorder doesn’t erase someone’s sense of self, but it does amplify or distort certain traits depending on their mood. For example: • A naturally adventurous person might become recklessly impulsive in mania. • A person prone to self-reflection might become overly self-critical in depression. • These shifts are not necessarily a “new” person but rather exaggerated or muted versions of who they are, filtered through the lens of their disorder.

2. Neurological and Emotional Factors • Bipolar disorder affects the brain regions involved in emotional regulation, impulse control, and self-awareness. These disruptions can create inconsistencies in how the person feels about themselves and the world, leading to behaviors that feel out of character. • The lack of emotional continuity (the ability to carry feelings or values consistently across mood states) can make it seem like their identity changes with their mood.

3. Trauma and Identity • Many individuals with bipolar disorder also experience trauma or struggle with attachment issues. This can lead to a fragmented sense of self even outside of mood episodes. For instance, they might struggle to know who they are when they’re not defined by their relationships, achievements, or emotional highs and lows.

4. What Is the “True Self”? • The “true self” for someone with bipolar disorder is often most visible during periods of stability. This is when their values, interests, and consistent traits emerge without the distortion of mania or depression. • However, because mania and depression are part of their lived experience, they may feel all versions of themselves are “real” in different ways.

How This Affects Relationships

When you’re close to someone with bipolar disorder, it’s natural to feel disoriented by these shifts. You’re not just witnessing different moods—you’re witnessing a different presentation of their personality, which challenges your sense of who they really are. It can feel destabilizing and even lead you to question whether their love or intentions were genuine.

Philosophical View on Sense of Self

The question of identity in bipolar disorder touches on broader philosophical ideas: • Is identity consistent, or is it fluid? For someone with bipolar disorder, identity might be more fluid than fixed. • Are we defined by our actions, thoughts, or intentions? If a bipolar person loves deeply in stability but behaves destructively in mania, both are “real” parts of them—but it’s difficult to reconcile.

Coping with This Perspective 1. Accepting Complexity: Understand that their sense of self may feel fragmented, but that doesn’t make their feelings or experiences less real. 2. Focusing on Patterns: Pay attention to how they behave in stable periods—this is likely closer to their “core self.” 3. Setting Boundaries: While you can empathize with their struggles, it’s essential to protect yourself from harm caused by their mood-driven behaviors. 4. Therapy for Insight: Both individual and couples therapy can help make sense of how bipolar disorder affects identity and relationships.

Your question is deeply insightful because it highlights how interconnected mental health, emotions, and identity are. It’s not an easy thing to understand or experience, but asking these questions can help you process and make sense of the situation.