3 months post discard. I’m trying not to let my situation become my personality. I unblocked him last night hoping he’d call even though I know we will never be together. He promised me we would work out all our problems, he would never cheat, and we would be together forever. We dated for 2.5 years and it was the first time I’ve really ever been in love. I’m 29F now. He abused me psychologically and emotionally, kicked me out of our home, trashed our apartment, and slept with a girl he met at the hospital when I was homeless because of what he did. Two weeks prior he proposed to me.

I was coping well the first few months, optimistic and somewhat numb to the situation. Strong faith in God and trusting in His plan.

Now I’m feeling depressed. It’s really hard not to cry all the time. I want to call him but I know that will not do anything but make things worse. He’s unmedicated but I believe is coming down from his mania. He cried and feels bad last time he called. He called on a different number so I didn’t know it was him. Otherwise I would have ignored the call.

Why did this happen. I’m a good person and all my life I’ve just been trying to find someone to love. Yet, I’ve been taken advantage of over and over again.

It feels so cruel. I am trying not to be in victim mindset and just move on. I have a lot to be grateful for.

But I just am depressed and feeling hopeless. I cry everyday