"I wish you could just be happy."

We were driving home from an enjoyable dinner and church activity. At least, for me it was. My spouse, however, was looking rather down and had been for some time.

Of course, my charming, logical self proceeded to explain all the reasons my spouse should be happy:

• We have a roof over our heads.
• We have food on the table.
• We have three beautiful children.
• We have good health.

Or, so I thought.

I grew up believing we each had control over our thoughts, words, and actions.

I never realized there are people who, at times, are unable to control their behavior.

I found out, firsthand, over the course of several months, how true that is, how confusing that is, how scary that is - and how ill-prepared I was for what transpired.

At my insistence, my spouse tried to be happy, but no matter what was done nothing worked.

My spouse tried exercise. Nope.

My spouse tried healthy eating. Nope.

My spouse tried being with friends. Nope.

My spouse wasn't unhappy. My spouse was depressed.

Depression is difficult for the whole family. It changes the dynamics of your relationships. It changes the day-to-day functions of running a household.

My spouse could no longer contribute to our partnership of marriage.

And I became frustrated.

Then, my spouse began to change.

My spouse had energy again. Cleaning was getting done. Working on more projects. Spending more time with family and friends. There was more laughter. More talk of spiritual matters.

Life was feeling pretty good.

But it wasn't happiness, it was mania.

Speech became rapid and pressured. Shopping became more impulsive. Sex became concerning, not exciting. Sleep was gone. The nights were filled with deep cleaning or getting closer to God. Every interaction with someone was in the context of saving their soul.

What happened next terrified me.

My spouse experienced suicidal ideation, attempted to claw into the wall to hide from the world, and began to explode at me in fits of rage that lasted hours.

We went to the emergency room. And I experienced what no couple should, but many do.

I went out one exit and my spouse went out another to be escorted by ambulance to the psych ward.

I sat in our car and cried.

Our lives were changed forever, and it really sucks.