Help

So there has been talk about schizoaffective disorder. It all started when I started getting super paranoid back in January. I quit my job on the 6th when I started hearing voices. I just knew I was about to die. But when I got home I was feeling manic, took some pills, and slept for super long.

Over the next few months the paranoia built. I was too scared to drive, because I thought somone was gonna kill me. And then it happened. I started hearing voices. They whisper as if they are armies of angels arguing over my soul.

Then I was able to see dead people. And I could have long conversations with them. After getting on some new meds the voices and paranoia went away.

Well, today. I cried and cried because I missed the wedding of my very good friend. Who I haven’t seen in years. Like - years and years. I don’t have much recollection of her coming here. But I have memories of having pizza with her. The sky was black even though it was noon.

I got caught up in the sky, and missed the wedding and then woke up in my bed crying. My family was surrounding me and talking about how good it was.

Except no one remembers any of this. I have such vivid memories and yet no memory at all. It feels like a super super vivid dream.

I don’t remember today though. It feels like all those experiences that happened ARE what happened today.

The paranoia has been creeping back in some. I’ve gotten bad at taking my meds, because they make me sleep a lot. See, I’m Bipolar 1 and donf sleep. But I know I’m not manic. Even if I’m not tired I don’t feel manic.

I have been crying so so much. Getting frustrated and angry. And hiding it all inside myself. Please can somone give me some advice?

Am I manic? Entering psychosis? Just lacking sleep? Dreaming? I’m so confused.