You are 100% correct. I am quitting this week.

That is extremely impressive! I am very proud of you stranger 💕

I’ve been to rehab about seven times. I’m not exaggerating. I wish I was. I have done full 90 days days, and I’ve done detox and 30 days. At this point it’s such a strain on my family to send me to rehab another time.

Edit: I’m not sure if I’ve been taking my nighttime meds. I keep blacking out, because as you’ve said, I’m binging on alcohol. I think I have not been taking them though because of the blackouts. I haven’t tried to like count my pills or anything.

Thank you very much. I used to be big into AA NA huge proponent of the program. I don’t appreciate the black-and-white thinking anymore though. It was never enough.

My dad does celebrate Recovery and that helps him. If AA helps somebody who am I to knock it, but it didn’t work for me.

I really appreciate everything you said, I just don’t know where I’m at mentally at the moment. It’s really easy for me to look back on things and remember I was depressed or hypomanic or whatever. But I can’t feel it in the moment. I think stopping drinking and getting back on my meds at night is going to be my best course of action. Maybe I should take my night meds today and take a nap?

I have been waking up at four in the morning lately and having a good routine with my coffee and watching music videos on my phone has been nice.

Celebrate recovery is basically a 12 step program where they focus on God and Jesus. AA is more secular. My father has bipolar disorder, and he is unmedicated, but he uses religion to manage his disorder. He lives at a sober living and is a recovery coach for people at the rehab he lives at. He’s been there for about five years. Before that he was homeless for a long time.

I’m also a child of an alcoholic. It’s so shameful that I turned into the one thing I promised myself I would never become.

I will probably reply to your comment with a few edits. My partner drinks every day. It’s extremely hard to be sober when he is not.

Edit: if I can’t get myself together in time for my sister trip, I will have to drink on the trip and when I get home, go to detox again. I’m ready to do it, it just sucks for my family who has to pick up my slack.

I do have gabapentin for anxiety, but it doesn’t help like I wish it did. I probably will need a detox in a month or so but I’m trying to get through getting my daughter enrolled into school and going on a sister trip across the country with my two sisters. I’m holding it together by a thread.

I know how it feels exactly. I know I should not drink. I wish I was normal so badly.