Back story: I’ve had three hospitalizations for insomnia. My doctor said it was the worst sleep disorder he’d ever seen. At its worst, I would be up for 3 days, crash, then be up another 3 days. I didn’t respond to any treatment either. I began experiencing neurological symptoms from lack of sleep. The doctors were so concerned that I had an MRI of my brain. In the end, my diagnosis was depression, anxiety & C-PTSD. When I finally left the hospital, I was on an enormous cocktail of sleep meds that included 25 mg of Ambien each night.

That was nearly 20 years ago. I eventually was able to get off Ambien entirely & take 300 mg of Trazodone & benzos twice/day. It was less than ideal, but much better than before.

Two years ago, I was seriously retraumatized when someone I loved betrayed me & my C-PTSD exploded into constant intrusive thoughts of abandonment & death, panic, high blood pressure & nightmares every night. My life became trauma 24/7. It felt like an inescapable prison.

I did ketamine infusions, which got rid of the anxiety, panic attacks & other physiological arousal. I got off benzodiazepines entirely. I was taking a drug for intrusive thoughts which knocked them out for the most part, but killed my motivation.

I desperately wanted my life back & wanted a drug free option. I’d heard about the neuroplasticity of the brain & hadn’t had luck with meditation in the past, but had joined a Buddhist center to make friends & so I started meditating.

And while it was incredibly difficult & didn’t seem to work for months, I kept with it. And then something remarkable occurred. I became present. My thoughts quieted. My mind became peaceful. My concentration improved. My senses heightened.

And my sleep? No more nightmares. I began sleeping soundly. I feel more rested from sleep than I have in decades.

The point beginning, if I can completely rewire my brain given the debilitating nature of my C-PTSD & how it affected my physiology & sleep, literally anyone can.

I want to offer that hope to anyone who is struggling with insomnia or trauma.

We live in a culture of quick dopamine hits. Many of us have short attention spans due to being chronically on our phones. So starting & sticking to a meditation practice is hard, but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for your brain.

Start with 5 minutes of breathing meditation focused on your breath. In breath, out breath. Repeat. This trains your brain to redirect its focus. Eventually, work your way up to an hour per day. It’s an amazing way to start or end your day.