I’ve always been prone to overthinking but it wasn’t until a year ago when I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, which has helped me in understanding the patterns of my thoughts and how they relate to my emotional experiences.

While I’ve managed to get the more distressing symptoms of the disorder under wraps, I am in a continuous battle to remain present and it constantly feels like I’m losing.

I think at some point in the last few years my brain has broken. I’m in a constant state of low-level rumination at the best of times, I struggle to remain focused on conversations when people are talking to me. I can’t enjoy movies because I’m never attentive enough to know what’s going on. I can’t even go for a walk without constantly thinking. I’ve had times where meditation has calmed my mind down significantly, but it never seems to last. The times where I’ve felt alive have been when I’ve been present, but those times are far and few in between.

I’d love to become present and truly enjoy life again, but it just feels like a tremendous amount of work and it’s far easier for me to simply dissociate into the comfort and disconnect of my ruminative imagination.

Does anyone have any good exercises or pointers for me? I’d prefer to stay away from SSRIs but it’s always an option.