I am in my 40s and having a lot of depression lately. I have noticed it started late last year and it could be midlife crisis. I don’t look forward to anything, not excited about anything. Everyday, I wake up and feeling like I have to get through the day. I have young kids so I keep pushing myself for them.

When I can’t take it anymore, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry and that seems to help me get through the day, but it starts over again the next day. My mind is getting tired having to live like this and go through it everyday.

I push myself to go to the gym and go for a run. I ah e tried meditation but it doesn’t help me. Maybe it helps others.

I will try and seek of therapy which looks like a daunting take finding a good therapist. In the meantime what can I do to get over this and help myself.

I took NAC and taurin and theanine last 6 weeks and it helped but now it’s not working so I stopped.

Any video, mental exercise, Reddit sub that helped you?

TIA

Edit 1: I should add that marriage life is not very good and since last couple years and that also is adding to this mental breakdown, however it wasn’t this bad and I was a like to handle it. Also no friends and no social life, except for meetings kids friends and going to kids bday parties which I try to avoid but forcing myself to go to have some social connection.

I am suddenly feeling like the last 20 years have been gone in pursuing career, starting family and having kids and raising them. I feel like I want to leave everything and go backpack and travel the world it’s something I wanted but never could do. Also feel there is no love or connection in marriage so I don’t enjoy traveling with family except with kids.

I do keto on and off and I need to eliminate sugar. I don’t some or drink. The few weeks that the supplements worked were great as there were no ruminating thoughts and I wasn’t as emotional as I am feeling now.

Thank you all for being kind in your responses and not attaching or judging me.

Last test showed TRTat 360ng/dl.

I try to go outside for atleast 30min everyday.