Alright, here we go.

I (33F) know for a fact the term demiromantic fits me, because it sums up every single crush I have ever had, and that's a queer identity. However, because for the longest time I only had crushes on guys, I assumed that I was, essentially, straight, demiromanticism aside.

Until recently when I started experimenting with something, and now I'm having doubts.

Most of my crushes have been on fictional characters. Most were male, one was female (though that could have been more admiration than a crush), two were non-binary but soft-masculine leaning. In terms of actual people I knew, all of my crushes offline were male (3 of them). I had two instances of online relationships, one with a guy, and one with a woman. Though with the woman, after we talked over text, and flirted a bit, I panicked at what this could mean for me, got cold feet, and ghosted her due to fearing not being straight. That was a few years ago.

But what really got me questioning was this: usually, I avoid erotica, especially visual erotica, as I find it gross and disgusting and avoid seeing it visually like the plague. But when it comes to reading, I started reading some erotica between characters I like, or a degree of self-insert fan fiction. Straight erotica, I feel a little hot about, kind of aroused (I think), but lesbian erotica that I read has me feel absolutely volatile—hot. dry mouth, much more discharge than straight erotica, the works. I feel really guilty that I feel this at all, but I'm unsure if it's legitimate attraction that I'm feeling or just something about the emotional fantasy, and that is might have no bearing on my sexuality in terms of real-life feelings. But thinking of that, coupled with that one woman I panicked over when we flirted over text...

Is this normal for a straight person to feel or am I a bi/pan woman miles deep in the closet?