I know I'm bisexual. I know it deep inside my heart. I'm proud of being bisexual but sometimes it's tiring being bi. Especially when it comes to bi cycles. I'm someone who knew she liked women before she knew she liked men. When it comes to dating (or potentially marriage) I always choose women. My attraction to women feels more natural and more at home. It's so natural to the point where I automatically assume any woman who says she's taken is in wlw relationship. When it comes to my attraction to women I have no issues with it. My male attraction on the other hand is a different story. It's rarely there and when it is there it only stays for a few days, often time only for a day. This sucks for me because my self validation for my bisexuality relies on me showing attraction to both genders. If I don't find men attractive for a long period of time, my brain starts doubting my bisexuality. I have no intention in dating a man. It's not something I desire or need. I've recently realized something. I'm not attracted to real life men, rather to a concept of a man. What do I mean by this? Well, honestly I can't tell you because I don't fully understand it myself but I'll try to. Basically I like to only imagine having a boyfriend, preferably a genderless bi boyfriend where I'm dominant in relationship. Not dom as in the kink way but more like where both of us are equal. I've also realized that whenever I imagine myself having a boyfriend I imagine myself as my favorite WxM ship where I'm the girl in the ship (for example I ship Marina x Levi and I would imagine myself as Marina, sort of like roleplaying her? Maybe?). But once again these thoughts only last for a short period of time for like a day or two. I've even started to look at NSFW images of men and their privet parts and I feel absolutely nothing. No reaction, no anything, just nothing. I know I'm bi, I know it deep inside my heart. I'm just frustrated at how low my attraction to men is. I've even started hating myself for it. I'm considering maybe trying to sleep with a guy irl. Maybe seeing a dick in real life will give me a different reaction than seeing one online. Idk I just wish I was equally attracted to both genders. I went through such a hard time accepting my bisexuality, learning to finally accept it and my attraction towards men only for my male attraction to say "anyways imma head out". Like you can't just do that.